Bipolar, Diagnosis
– Poetry by Catherine Carson –
Bipolar
I.
The doctor adjusts his glasses,
tells me the news.
There isn’t much else.
I leave the muted-colored office
and beat my hands on the
steering wheel.
Failure has a funny taste,
like stale sunshine.
I feel my car take
a sharp turn.
A ringing in my ears tells me
I am not in another dream.
I get pink pills.
II.
Months later, I still feel as if
I swallowed a bellyful of moths.
Chronic, chronic, chronic rings
in my ears like a sick rhythm
and I wonder if it will ever leave.
Sun touches my skin; I sit
like a cat in a window, basking.
I can still bask, I think.
A hurricane of guilt swells,
Pushes against my sides,
refuses to be calmed.
People look at me strangely
afterwards, but they don’t know
I, too, tried to swim to the
eye.
Diagnosis
Under a grey sky, a fog enveloping
oblivion, rain blowing at unpleasant angles—
despair is welcome then; nurtured, even.
It’s when the plants grow lush with
anticipation, grass regains its color, and
flowers burst through soil in their grand
declaration of life—
again and again, life—
that is when despair seems most bleak.
When the world opens itself up, and still
you are blind, despite yourself.
Author Statement – Catherine Carson
These topics– wellness, medicine, healing– are particularly interesting to me. Poetry is my way of healing old wounds, making sense of the unexplainable, of communicating a feeling that can’t really be put into words. In April 2018, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, and my world turned sideways. I had to learn to live again, live in this new life I have. I didn’t know what to do after my diagnosis, or how to move on, so I wrote to try and figure it out. These poems are part of my journey through the confusion of such a diagnosis.
About the Author – Catherine Carson
Catherine Carson is a graduating senior at James Madison University with a major in English and a minor in Creative Writing. She plans on pursuing a graduate degree next year in poetry and publishing creative projects, such as a poetry collection and a work of creative non-fiction. She enjoys themes such as the natural world, the power of the self, feminism, mental health and the human condition.
Did you like these poems by Catherine Carson? Then you might also like:
Baby Make Like a Tree
A Drop Like Wet Shellac
“In Her Garden” and “Fresh News”
The Space I Take
Things I’ve Learned on the Road
The Crash
To check out all the poems available on Dreamers, visit our poetry section!
