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Lay it Down

Lay it Down

– Poetry by Karen Kerekes –

sometimes I see you
your tall, slender silhouette
walking along the street 
your curly hair tucked up
neat inside your cap,
and I turn my head
as my heart pounds
it has all been
a horrible mistake
until I realize it isn’t 
and I chide myself 
for my own deceitfulness

and sometimes I can’t believe
four years have come and gone
another May, another Mother’s Day
and that I still exist
in a world without you 
and that you gave me life
only to have taken your own

and sometimes I want to scream
because it wasn’t your time
though you chose it to be
and unanswered questions 
surround me like fog creeping
beneath a shadowy moon and
a howling wolf that stalks me, 

and on days like today
I want to pick up the phone
and tell you about your grandchildren
knowing it would make you happy 
because when you were happy,
I could be happy too

and I want to understand
how so much pain
crept into every crevice
of your being 
and I want to know
what you told yourself
in that moment
when holding on
finally surrendered
to letting go

and they say grief
is just love with 
no place to go
so I carry it with me 
but it is heavy,
and I am tired,
and I just want to lay it down

and then comes a moment
when I watch a seagull glide,
its white wings spread wide
against a crystal blue backdrop
and I smile,
knowing you are smiling, too

and I feel the warmth
from your delicate hand
cradling mine
as you lift me up from 
the jagged pavement 
and wipe away the blood that
still drips from my gaping wound

and in that moment, I am free

About the Author – Karen Kerekes
Karen	Kerekes

My name is Karen Kerekes and I live and work in Burlington, Ontario, Canada.  I began writing poetry fifteen months ago, as a way of expressing overwhelming grief after the loss of my mother to suicide.  Poetry has not only been an integral part of my own healing and growth, but I feel it has the ability to connect people through shared human experiences.  Poetry, at its core, nurtures understanding, and I believe understanding is the key to creating a kinder and more compassionate society.  My poetry focuses on themes of loss and grief, nature’s renewal, inspiration, encouragement and hope.

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