No Time to Wave Goodbye
– Nonfiction by Michelle Smith –
Daddy wasn’t even Catholic, but he took you and me to St. Joseph’s on that first Sunday in November. You were only eight then, the year your doctors predicted would be your last, but you’d already endured more than any adult. I hadn’t known how brave you’d been—three open-heart surgeries and two cardiac arrests, all concealed from me and our sisters. When you yearned to go outside, however, Daddy assigned me to supervise as you wistfully watched your friends at play.
The crisp November air heralded my favorite holidays. For Mass, Daddy dressed you in your little brown suit and tie and a grey knit cap to keep your head warm. Afterwards, he treated us to a pancake breakfast, and then surprised me with a shopping spree in the handbag section of a discount store. He whisked you to the toy department, but he soon returned to alert me that your heart was tired.
“Take your time,” Daddy said. “I’m taking Michael to the car to rest.”
After a surprisingly lengthy deliberation among the vast array of handbags, I left the store empty-handed. Back at our car, I found Daddy alone and slumped in the passenger seat, his contorted face smeared with tears.
“What’s wrong? Where’s Michael?” I asked.
“I wondered what took you so long,” he said, sobbing. “God must’ve wanted to protect you by keeping you in that store.” He locked his muddy eyes with mine. “He’s gone, Michelle—Michael’s finally passed.”
My world evaporated into liquid fog, as if I were treading underwater. I didn’t know what to say or do. Then I recalled the siren I’d heard while perusing store aisles. And there was the silent ambulance that floated past as I exited the store.
If only I’d known to wave goodbye.
About the Author – Michelle Smith
Michelle Smith is an award-winning poet and writer whose novel excerpt was a top-10 finalist for the 2019 She Writes Press (2019 Indie Publisher of the Year) and SparkPress Toward Equality in Publishing (STEP) competition. Her humor piece titled “Bitch Wings” won First Place in the 2021 SouthwestWriters Competition and was published in the anthology Ramblings & Reflections: Winning Words of SouthWest Writers’ 2021 Contest. More recently, she placed 19th among 950 international submissions in Writer’s Digest’s 2023 Annual Poetry Competition for her poem titled “The Journey.” Her poem “The Butterfly” will appear in the 2024-25 edition of the San Diego Poetry Annual.
Michelle’s essays and articles have appeared in The San Diego Union-Tribune and the Monterey Herald. She’s written a monthly column for the Central Coast Writers Branch of the California Writers Club for nearly 15 years, and she’s currently working on a collection of poetry as well as a memoir about survival against all odds.
Michelle’s additional writing society memberships are: The Authors Guild, The National League of American Pen Women, Inc., and San Diego Writers, Ink. She is a volunteer/mentor with WriteGirl, a Los Angeles based nonprofit with global outreach that helps mentor, inspire, and empower teen girls through writing.
www.theebonyquill.com.
Instagram: @thequillster.
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